Here’s how I met the maintence man. It was raining pretty hard outside, it was actually a hurricane outside. (actual documented hurrucane, not a figure of speech) Me and my roommate yosh are chillin in the living room. I see a guy run up to our door like hes trying to give Usain Bolt a run for his money in the 2012 summer Olympics. He has a black trench coat on pulled over his face. At any other time this would have been super sketchy. But since it was poring it seemed like a reasonable move on his part…….but there’s more
So he walks in our house but not the way a normal adult, child, person or animal walks into a house. He walks in backwards. He stands there in the doorway fidgeting around still with his back completely turned to us. Hes not saying anything at all just fidgetting around. So now theres a guy (backwards) in my house with a trench coat over his face who came running up to our front door like the police were chasing him. Ok so now im a little worried and I have no idea what to think. Is he going to rob us? Has he accidentally entered the wrong apartment? Is he a drunk Jahova witness….I really have no idea
Then he jumps around and does the most intense 180 ever. Like boom Calvin Klein reaction. At that moment im thinking great were getting jumped by way of gunpoint in our own house. This is perfect if he steals my boogey board I cant go boogey boarding today. I literally thought he was a seasoned professional house robber and this is his entrance strategy…however I still had not ruled out drunk Jahova witness.
At this point I see hes only holding a beer (no gun) and now I can see his face. Keep in mind no words have been said yet. After about a 7 second staring contest he puts down his beer and says “where your closet.” So I did what any sane person would do…..I pointed him directly to the closet. He then walked over and inside the closet. Since the only thing im afraid of is Voldermort, hammer head sharks and all non-alcholic cherry flavored beverages I just sat on the couch and went back to reading.
At this point I start to get slightly interested in what hes doing…..We walk over to the closet and he’s lifted up the bottom hatch and is poking at the sub pump with half his arm immersed in what I only can assume is sewage. We start talking to him and eventually find out hes the former maintence man (“recently fired because the owners are dicks that don’t care about safety” and hes worried about the overall safety of his neighbors so hes douuble checking sub pumps incase somebody decided instead of flushing their poop they were going to just store it underneath there house.He eventually leaves but not before mumbling a few things to us. The next time I saw him his face was swollen because “I got into a fight with his girls (plural) and now my face is swollen but its probably from something I ate.” The last time I saw him he was screaming obscenities at the neighbors shortly after being kicked out of our apartment. Yet he refused to leave and multiple cops on multiple days had to come arrest him since he gets kicked out and just keeps coming back. The only time I ever seen him with someone is this guy who keeps coming into my work high on heroin and is cut off after 1 beer because the waitresses always think he’s ridiculously hammered.
Im definitely starting a petition to rehire the maintenace man because he is super entertaining, a drunk hot mess and a pretty chill guy
Catch up on daily activities next time gotta get some sleep
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