I havent posted here for awhile. Basically I wake up at 7am everyday for school. Dont get home till 8pm and have to work/ do homework after. But the other week i had a few days off from ball and an extended weekend off from school so it was straight to NYC.
Me and my boy Vern buy 2 tickets to NYC from Boston. 15$ a pop on a little hidden gem the Phung wow bus. The phung wow bus is a bus company run by Asians that promises 2 things,.. The quickest trip to NYC and outragous suprises. I made the mistake on the way over of sitting to close to restroom. I still have yet to identify that smell but it was something i never want to smell again. My buddy tells us the last 2 times his friend took the Phung wow bus it caught on fire and one time it crashed into a building. But it was 8$ cheaper then the other bus lines so we hoped right on.
We get to Nyc and were basically drunk for 2 straight days. Most of it blends into memory except for the last 6 hours.
Me and vern are drinking in out hotel room for about 7 straight hours. Our friend Snickers is there who paid for the hotel room, and our buddy NOJ who lives in NYC. An nyc friend of Verns is there and NOJ tells us hes brining over some girl but warns us shes a little fat. None of really cared that she was fat,, why would we shes not some prostitute were going to run a train on. Shes just a freind of NOj's that was there for the good times. WEeeeel Vern has this thing with fat people. AS in he despises them. Its his pet peave, that itch on your back you cant scratch, the kardashians,,,,,,..i mean he is absolutley disgusted by fat people. Guys girls, women, children, old people even fat animals. He hates anything thats fat. It could be the fact that hes a wrestler and always has to cut weight or maybe he was sat on by a fat guy as a young child,. IDK what it is but i do know its a hate that is rivaled by no other....except scar from the lion king....fuck that bitch ass lion.
SO she walks in the room and Vern texts me "We are now in the splash zone" He was pretty upset she was there and starts pounding vodka. We eventaully had to calm him down when we realized it was only 6pm and it was strating to get rude when he began to mention how here poores must be clogged from to many cold cuts.
We all go out to a bar across the street and bring a few water bottles of vodka with us since the drinks in NYC are way to expensive. For some reason SNickers starts taking a liking to the big girl. I feel really bad refering to her as that, and i almost didnt write about this part because i feel like a dick calling her that. She actually had a cute face,, and she was pretty cool buuut she was freaking enormous....soory. We all go out to the club except Snickers who bring the big girl(I forget her real name) back to the hotel room.
We get to a bar in Brooklyn around were NOJ lives. At this point were all drunk but Vern is beyond wasted. We grab a table and a few beers and sodas. Vern is so drunk hes not talking hes just sitting there wobbling back and forth. He has he water bottles of Vodka in his pocket. I grab our two sodas and tell him to meet me in the bathroom in 2 minutes. I walk into the stall and about 15 seconds later Vern follows me in the stall and literally just stands there staring at me. I as him "U got the booze" and he responds no. So i said well why the fuck are you in the stall with me. He says "idk i htought it was a little weird that you asked me to come in here." So i walk out and just pour the booze in our soda in the middle of the bar.
Vern has this thing where most people when they drink a certain amount just pass out, but Vern somehow refuses to pass out. He literally just keeps wal,ing around like a drunken zombie when any other normal person would have passed out 3 hours ago. Its 30% scary, 30 % impressive, and 30% legendary the other 10% is probably his Blood alchol level
So we go to the next club, dont ask me how but Vern gets in. It seems like bar until we walk into this back room. It had big doors like a castle and we were in exploration mode so we decided to walk in. We walk in and theres blaring house music, girls on tables, and fine chics everywhere. Vern walks up behind some girl and strats humping here. Shes standing in a circle with 3 of her friends talking but for some reason doesnt mind that hes humping her. Hes not dancing, not grinding literally humping her like a dog. Eventuall he gets tired of humping and starts to dance in the midd,le of the dance floor.
As hes dancing hes getting sleepier and sleepier till eventually he passes out standing in the middle of the dance floor. So me and NOj, and verns buddy from NYC are all dancing but Vern is passed out standing up in the middle of the dance floor. Then all of a sudden Vern wakes up and projectile vommits everywhere. He looks at the damage and instantly does a spin move and runs away from the damage. A few minutes later the bouncer steps in it and realizes he may have to clean this up. He wants to kick somebody out but doesnt know who threw up. Then Vern who was sitting down, stands up, trips and knocks over all the cups on the table and hugs me then begins to fondle my arm. The bouncer right away figures out Vern is the throw up culprit and he kicks him out.
So now were out of the club but we want to go back in since there were so many girls there and there was no cover. I say we cant and have to get Vern home. Noj says hes good and if he changes clothes the bouncer wont recoginize him. I say of course he will Vern just threw up on his foot and was rolling around on the floor in the club (The rolling happened as the bouncer was escorting him out) However the club was such a good time i entertained the idea but still argued theres no way he can get back in.
As me and NOJ are debating wheteher or not we should go back in Vern has miraculously already changed clothes with some random person on the street and is walking back into the club. We work out a deal with the boucner where Vern can sit at a booth by the front door and we can go into the club. The bouncer says he will allow this as long as Vern can sit there in the booth and take care of him self. WE all turn and look at Vern whos sitting in the booth. He slowly starts to tip over and falls out of the booth on to the floor.....more summer saults. I take him home and NOj and Verns buddy stay at the club.
So now im trying to get Vern home but he literally cant stand up. Taxi cab drivers are driving right by us because they see Vern and dont want to take the chance in picking up a drunk fool. Eventually i get a driver to pick us up and he asks who am i taking,. I say me and my buddy. Vern is about 20 yards away leaning up against a newspaper stand. I put him there cuz i was having no luck flagging down a taxi with him next to me. As the cab driver looks at him,, Vern is leaning all his weight on the newspaper stand. The the newspaper stand starts to slide across the street and Vern with it. Now Verns lying in the middle of the steet and so is the newspaper stand. The cab driver drove away.....
Eventually another driver picks us up who ends up ripping us off. but were able to get hom. About 5 times Vern tries to open the back door and get out of the taxi but the only problem is were on the highway...not a reasonable place to get out of a moving car. Everytime i grab his arm to not open the door he bites me then whispers in my ear lets get wild...then a 3 second pause...then..im sorry bro. This happened proabably 6 times and I end the night with multiple bite marks on my arm. Vern eventually passes out in the back seat and starts saying lets get wild in his sleep.
We get back to the hotel room where and Vern starts throwing up everywhere. However therse already throw up every where and the tv stand is broken laying on the ground. Were greeted by Snickers who says as he was finger blasting the fat girl in the hotel room she started throwing up everywhere so he pushed her off of the bad and shes crashed into the tv stand and shattered it like a wrecking ball into a glass house.
Snickers then challenges me to a game of chess at 4am then in less then 3 hours were on the next thing moving back to Boston.....and yup its the phung wow bus we were in boston by 8am
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