If any haters read this please dont try and shut down my Facebook , youtube or google account. I was born with an ambition to dumb things its not my fault. Thank you that is all
So it was the spring of my senior year. I had been hanging out with a sophomore girl on and off. It was nothing serious just a little warm weather fling. She was cute and class was almost done so I was usually drunk. Friday came along and my Buddy Z tells me his dad is going away for the weekend. The only reasonable thing to do was have a rave at his place. My rave idea was instantly shot down by Z who at the time decided he wanted to be a goody 2 shits at the end of the semester. Keep in mind this is the same kid that has been arrested twice in 16 hours, threw a temper tantrum in a public movie theater (unrelated incident), and has attempted to drive drunk somewhere between 3 and 6 thousand times. (Also unrelated to the arrests). But for whatever reason he wanted a quiet enchanted evening to himself. I just simply wouldn’t allow this. We somehow compromised on a casual get together. He allowed me to invite 5 friends. I instantly texted the first 60 people in my phone.
So it was the spring of my senior year. I had been hanging out with a sophomore girl on and off. It was nothing serious just a little warm weather fling. She was cute and class was almost done so I was usually drunk. Friday came along and my Buddy Z tells me his dad is going away for the weekend. The only reasonable thing to do was have a rave at his place. My rave idea was instantly shot down by Z who at the time decided he wanted to be a goody 2 shits at the end of the semester. Keep in mind this is the same kid that has been arrested twice in 16 hours, threw a temper tantrum in a public movie theater (unrelated incident), and has attempted to drive drunk somewhere between 3 and 6 thousand times. (Also unrelated to the arrests). But for whatever reason he wanted a quiet enchanted evening to himself. I just simply wouldn’t allow this. We somehow compromised on a casual get together. He allowed me to invite 5 friends. I instantly texted the first 60 people in my phone.
Despite my best efforts to throw a blockbuster event Z was in a buzz kill mood and my intended rager ended up being a fun little 10 person drunk social. My spring fling was one of the attendees. She showed up with a girlfriend of hers who was to put it nicely should of put down the Budweiser and went for a slim fast. (Not to be rude but I’m trying to paint an accurate picture) She wasn’t that fat but a little overweight and this was still early on in my having sex career. Which so far had been very impressive. Things would change soon.
The whole night our friend Decipal Dave was hitting on my fling. He knew that I and she had been hanging out but it was one of the scenarios that are a bit tricky. It didn’t really cross the line but it was a little bush league. After a fun night of partying everybody slowly leaves Z’s place. Eventually it’s Z, decipal dave, my fling and her thick fingered friend. I’m so drunk at the time it’s like I’m not even consciously there. So I decided this was a perfect opportunity to practice my drunk driving skills. I, Z, and Dave follow the girls to their house about 10 minutes up the street.
We pull into the driveway and right before we get out of my 93 Chrysler concord a cop pulls in the driveway behind us and throws on the blues. Were hammered with enough alcohol in the car to start a Mexican block party. I’m not sure why we had all this booze but I just remember thinking this is completely unnecessary. Soo we decide that the logical thing to do would be to all duck. Keep in mind the car is running with our lights on and the cop has already pulled in behind us with his lights on. So now were all ducking. Me in the driver’s seat and z and Dave shotgun and in the back. Looking back I would assume any cop would think we had just robbed a liquor store but at the time we thought ducking was our only way out. And for some reason it was. The cop pulled away for some unknown reason about 5 minutes later and we all just sat there, underage and looking like little bitches hiding in the backseat. (I somehow through all this wound up in the back seat)
So after that little fiasco we all go inside. Decipal Dave pleads with me to let him attempt and hook up with my fling. Hammered I say I will allow this if you give me a shot of Vodka. He gives me a shot out of one of the 19 bottles we had and I go inside to enjoy my night. So now Dave and this girl are hooking up, in this bedroom that is definitely on the smaller side for bedrooms. The only problem is all 5 of us are in the same room. Dave has always been good with the ladies but he’s a complete douche bag. He has this thing where he always has to carry around a mirror so he can constantly look at himself, he joined a religious cult and today he’s currently celibate and tries to convince all of his friends to follow Jesus. Weird considering this guy once accepted a 2000$ offer to “act” in 2 gay porn movies .True story.
So I go to pass out in this bed and Z gets the shaft on the floor. As I go to pass out the oversized friend jumps on the bed and attempts to have a make out session with me. My first thought was this girls breath probably smells like jr whoppers but apparently she has brushed her teeth sometime and the recent past so I just went with the flow. Now Dave is on the floor hooking up with my fling. There is a body mirror right in front of him. Their going at it missionary and the whole time he’s looking at himself in the mirror. Just straight staring not even looking at her. Every 5 minutes he would say “I can’t come” and smile at himself in the mirror. As I said douche bag. The only thing is Z is lying on the floor in this small room and Dave accidently keeps kicking Z in the head while he’s hooking up with my fling slash trying to climax looking at himself in the mirror.
So hers were the trouble begins. Kristy Ally tries having sex with me. Hammered I pass out. I wake up shortly after and she is on top of me having sex. I look down and see I’m wearing protection. Weird but I was drunk so I didn’t think too much into it. After about 2 and a half minutes of pain I tell her I already cummed (which I hadn’t) and politely ask her to get the fuck off of me and leave the premises. Bad idea since apparently this was her house, her bedroom and fucking sweet it’s her bed. So I just pass out.\
I wake up about maybe an hour later slightly dazed and confused. I feel a tickle around my shloang area. I look to my left and Dave somehow is still having sex locked in on the mirror. I look down to examine the incident happenening in my lower extremities. Yup it’s the chunky chick trying to go for round 2. She’s putting a condom on my peepee and it’s not even hard. Suddenly I realized what had happened the first time. At the same exact time Z gets kicked in the face for like the 28th time by Dave. I kicked the fat lady in the stomach. I had to get her off of me but I didn’t want to hurt her. So I kicked her in the place with the most padding. I yell that its I’m outta here. The Z yells that’s the last time I get kicked in the head tonight. We leave our bottle, dave, and our self respect and bounce as quick as flavor flav at a kkk shindig. Dave runs out of house behind us and I attempt to neuralize myself of the whole incident until I had to relive it Monday at school.
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