I stood there trying to find enough change to buy a Gaterade. Got it! But that means you don’t have enough money for slim jims FML. I also had to save every penny I could for my cell phone bill due in 3 days. As a high school kid id rather go to school missing a limb then missing a cell phone. Also as a high school kid you need every dollar you can get and your usually broke as balls. Which I was. My bank account was constantly fluctuating between 6 and 12 dollars depending on grocery market sales on Bud light/keystone light/ any type of alcoholic beverage. Usually by the end of the weekend I would be right around 6 dollars. Just enough to buy me 2 days school lunch. Id have to somehow make more cash early on in the week and reconvene my finances on Wednesday. On a Sunday evening my account was typically around 6 dollars little did I know by the end of weekend my Bank account wouldn’t have 6 dollars but have 6 figures in it.
I started playing poker when I was 15. As your typical teenager into sports I was sitting in front of the couch watching ESPN. Then the world series came on…the world series of poker. Hmm okay I thought the game looked cool but then I saw how much money they were playing for. Some guy from Tennesse who looked like hed be of average intelligence for my high school won 2 million dollars.
Keep in mind my high school intelligence breakdown is as such. Top 15% ---Average intelligence for society in general. Next 25% average intelligence for public school (This is slightly below average intelligence for society). Next 25% below average intelligence for public school (This is significantly below average intelligence for society). 15% problem children . (These are the types of kids that have rules created because of them and signs made on the wall like NO SPITTING ON WALL, because they are not able to rationalize why a wall would not be a reasonable place to hock a lugie.) You never know what to expect with that category. Next 10% the please help us category. These kids are so dumb they require help. They are below the problem children but are somehow still enrolled in school. Usually these kids are super nice and good people. Then finally 40% the dropouts. Is That 100%? I wouldn’t fucking know because I went to public school.
So at 15 after watching some poker on TV I grabbed one of my younger brothers and started playing poker. Now since we both had no money this game was as ghetto as you could get. We had no poker chips so we played with rocks. We had 48 cards 3 of which were ripped and 1 had “7 of spades” written on the outside. And we played for 32 cents we found under the couch. Nobody knew the rules and we made them up as we went along as we saw fit. In no shape or form did they resemble the actual rules of a poker game.
Gambling was banned in my house so I had to get in touch with my inner OJ to be able to play some online poker for real money with people that were older then the first grade. I gave my mom 100 dollars and told her I was buying a pair of shoes online. Instead I deposited the money on a poker site and started playing online. Things went really well from the beginning. I made a small amount of cash at online poker and told my dad. His original response was “You were scammed you dumb shit, why have you not taken out the trash.” Of course I was not scammed but his trash argument was a reasonable request since I had not taken out the trash in over 22 days. My usual excuse was “Its not full and that’s not economic or efficient and if I took out an un-full trash can I would be misusing the town trash system and also polluting the environment and would be unable to forgive myself and have to resort to seeing a psychiatrist to help me through my tough time thus costing my dad hundreds of dollars“. My dad was so tired with this shit sandwich excuse he just stopped caring. So now that I had the authority to not take out the trash until it was full and I did everything in my power to make sure it was not full. This included moving trash items from full trash cans to other various half full trash cans around the house, stepping on the trash to make more room and one time I stapled a piece of fruit to the trash can because the can was so full it was impossible to find an open spot. Fuck now were off topic…anyways poker was going good but it was about to go a lot better.
So I had cash flow to support me but it wasn’t that much. Just to buy booze and junk food and occasionally go out to the movies.
So school gets out and I get a call from my friend delicious who lives about 40 minutes away asking me if I wanted to go play in an underground poker game that night. I asked was drinking allowed and he said Of course it is. I was happy with his response and proceeded to tell him it would be an honor to spend an evening partaking in a fun poker game with you…lets get shitfaced that way if we loose were still enjoying ourselves.
So then I do my regular Friday afternoon things….skip last block, throw some pencils at the ceiling, hit on girls, get my cell phone back that the teacher took during 1st block, apologize to the principle for my daily behavior and apologize for any future dumb things I will do. rationalize to my 2nd block teacher my reason for cheating and beg for a redo, attempt to have a make out session with the cutest girl in school and get shot down, play some pick up basketball, avoid my parents who will forsure tell me to do some chores, take a 15 minute nap from my hard day as you average c student in public school then go eat slim jims and start drinking.
Due to my ruthless ambition to do as many dumb things as possible and my lush levels of alcohol tolerance most weekend blend together into memory. However this weekend about to go down would not be one I would forget soon.
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